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My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands

By Chelsea Handler

Handler chronicles what can ensue to 1 very intoxicated, outgoing lady in the course of one evening of passion-- repeated again and again with plenty and plenty of males.

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She stated. "Hallelujah! " I spoke back. She became to Nathan and placed her hand on his arm. "A swim trainer. you want to be in wonderful form! " Nathan smiled sheepishly as I bought as much as excuse myself. "I'm going to determine if i will not discover a fish during this titanic swimming pool. You youngsters get to understand one another. " Nathan avoided his eyes and seemed down at his fingers in his lap. I winked on the lady and mouthed, "He's unmarried! " I wandered over into one other room ruled through an incredible chandelier. The membership used to be large and indulgent, with 4 separate patios.

I actually needed to get out of there. fortunately, this would paintings in want of my plan. i could not think I hadn't considered it alone. I went again inside of to discover Dumb Dumb and Ed and clarify that I wasn't feeling good. simply as I had suspected, they have been sitting jointly in a sales space, the place he was once regaling her with tales of God is familiar with what, and she or he was once consuming it up. I requested Ed if he may brain using Dumb Dumb domestic simply because I wasn't feeling so scorching. She appeared a bit scared for a moment, yet he guaranteed her that she will be in reliable palms and he will be not anything yet a gentleman.

When you learned he had undesirable breath, you went again for your position? " "Well . . . " She paused. "Well, not anything! " I informed her. "Listen, Lydia, halitosis isn't the starting of a courting, it is the finish of 1. that is not whatever you could paintings via. except you've got entry to a tongue scraper that i do not learn about. " Ivory and that i had taken to calling him AB. Ass Breath. lengthy prior to the breakup, Lydia all started utilizing that nickname too. Ivory, sturdy outdated Lydia, and that i have been flying excessive on our 3 tabs of Ecstasy.

She threw one my manner, and Ross and that i grabbed a desk within the again. Over beverages, I instructed him all approximately my roommate and the night's mystery venture, and he suggestion it was once hilarious. He should have laughed at every thing I acknowledged, which might be very tense, yet in basic terms within the morning. Ross advised me how a lot he hated modeling, and the entire strain, and blah blah blah. His enamel have been so white i discovered myself pondering what sort of teeth-bleaching brokers versions had on hand to them that were not to be had at the standard industry.

This used to be notwithstanding, the 1st time entire strangers observed me as "the asshole. " i made a decision white will be a very good distinction for my blistering tan on the celebration that evening and an effective way to get the eye I deserved. The get together was once a blast. It used to be a few five-minute stroll from our resort at a few millionaire's beachfront mansion. every person was once salsa dancing round his pool because the waves crashed on shore. there have been stomach dancers on balconies. there have been margarita-shaped ice sculptures that have been made from genuine margaritas and other people have been slowly disrobing.

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