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Dr Johnson's Dictionary of Modern Life: Survey, Definition & Justify'd Lampoonery of Divers Contemporary Phenomena, from Top Gear unto Twitter

By Tom Morton

In 2009 Dr Samuel Johnson made a shock re-emergence from eighteenth century retirement and started Twittering. It proved the suitable automobile for his acerbic, aphoristic wit and he has speedy turn into the darling of the positioning.

The mother or father calls him the 'greatest' factor on Twitter and the Telegraph dubs him its 'star'. Our gouty guy of letters reveals the trendy global in a parlous kingdom. it's peopled with fools like "Raisin-ey'd Tyrant Mister Nick GRIFFIN" and "BABOON-SLAYER, Fop, Macaroni, Dandy & Folderol, Mister AA Gill". His makes an attempt to barter a direction in the course of the vagaries of contemporary existence don't fare good both - for example, on a visit to "Mister LIBERTY'S blast'd Haberdashery", upon discovering "all else clad as Lumber-Jacks, I left thwart'd & alone... unwilling to decorate as an unmanly Pastiche of Mister COBAIN."

In his Dictionary of contemporary Life, our gouty guy of letters takes a wickedly humorous examine all issues glossy. From best equipment and the day-by-day Mail to Dubstep and big name enormous Brother, not anything escapes his sardonic gaze.

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Push me no longer, SIR, i'm shut ’pon the sting. I test, such a lot ardently, to not lose my HEAD’ A trip unto the Highlands of Hip-Hop does take Mister Jas. BOSWELL & myself to the South & relevant of la, in Alta California. The Brothers of the dual Parishes of INGLEWOOD & COMPTON are in my residence. Compell’d to shout them OUT. Wrack’d by means of a sneezing healthy, I take a blue Kerchief from my left Pocket, therefore enraging my Brethren in INGLEWOOD. a lot afear’d: each Stage-Coach can be a Drive-By FUSILLADE.

Pamphlet of retailers & Placemen’s matters; purchas’d instead of learn to enhance a Man’s status monetary instances n. day-by-day Screed of phrases print’d on purple Paper to enliv’n Counting-Houses that may like to learn NUMBERS GQ n. joyless invoice of Fare from which all Rakes are oblig’d to choose their Britches, Top-Coats, &c. , a Tedium cantingly call’d lifestyle the girl n. pressing checklist of concerns most crucial to the modern Gentlewoman within the yr of our LORD 1778 Monocle n. a haughty Briefing ’pon issues of country & Tailoring of clothes; in Essence, the Molly Economist Nuts n.

Dawdling Joust ’twist ecu Principalities; it does extend to check the handbags & the Tolerance of its Spectators Cricket n. online game of white-clad Henchmen from one southern Colonie stealing a Trophy from one other; oft so much protract’d biking n. wheel’d pursuit at which Britons excel for they could purchase gear then sit down; & the French excel for its Bravery is person Darts n. Tavern Archery: probably the item is to imbibe Jars of Ale till neither Board nor Dart stay seen golfing n. Hamelin-like Ploy to attract Dullards faraway from Civilisation with a fancy Array of Balls, golf equipment, Holes & FLAGS Many do compliment golfing as an agreeable task that does party the civilis’d assembly & Bonding of unremarkable males of the middling style; as though neither Freemasonry nor the Bath-House did supply an identical gain Kevin KEEGAN n.

Wither’d Minstrel whose now-frail physique is compos’d solely of Skin-Folds, Opium & Pirate-Tales Wayne ROONEY n. bruising Lancastrian Sports-Oaf, whose Face used to be carv’d by way of almighty GOD from a POTATO J. ok. ROWLING n. authoress fam’d for 2 Acts of Diabolism: writing of Witch-Craft & gathering a Fortune then deciding on to stay in SCOTLAND Sir Jimmy SAVILE n. senescent Harlequin, whose Cigars, betinted Eye-Glasses & yodell’d Tongue may still rightly repel babies yet don't He who dares try to rfile the lifetime of SAVILE for an strange Publick needs to first end up that he's no longer a fictional construction, a ugly dream’d through Messrs Timothy BURTON or Terence GILLIAM as a cautionary story for babies or if you do fee sequence of leisure for the Magick-Lantern.

Staring at the unquiet Mob that does contain the viewers of Mister CLARKSON’S best apparatus, it's obvious that the few women therein are held Captive within the demeanour of Anglo-Saxon girls seiz’d via marauding Norsemen in LONG-BOATS. Herewith a Purview of the Forecourt: 4X4 n. a Royal warfare of Succession in Carriag’d shape, prosecuted to proteckt the kids inside of by means of endangering little ones with no Audi n. Germanick Tinsmith whose silver’d Carriages impress priapick pleasure among Architects, Draughts-Men & Media BUFFOONS Convertible n.

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